I haven't had much free time to journal anything lately with work. It kind of sucks but that is how it is. I find myself composing things in my head while I'm driving of things that have happened or of things that I ponder. Busy mind, I suppose....just as long as I pay attention to the road on occasion and don't rear end anyone then I'm doing okay.

My boss must believe that I am omnipotent because I seem to be blamed for all the things that go wrong in the office that other people do. His only words are: "You should have caught that." I'm flattered that he believes I have the all seeing powers of a deity, however he is sadly mistaken. Seriously, he's delusional. Eventually he will figure out that although I can divine what other's do on occasion by deduction-I am not able to tell what is going to go wrong ALL the time. If I was able to tell the future I would have bought a lottery ticket A LONG time ago, WON MILLIONS and quit this job to pursue my interests in animal rescue and rehabilitation.

That's another story....or dream.

Onto something that is real
Last weekend after Saturday clinic I decided to walk around a bit and take pictures of the beautiful graffiti that decorates some of the businesses. I managed to get a few nice pictures of plants and walls when the peace was interrupted by a loud voice. A loud voice screaming hateful racist profanities.
I looked up and witnessed what I assume is an African-American man trying to walk his pudgy terrier dog on what was supposed to be a peaceful warm Saturday afternoon. I was shocked to see the assailant was some skinny raggedy looking white man riding a motorized chair. This scrawny s.o.b. was circling the poor man and his dog like a freak'n mosquito.
I was appalled.
The man simply ignored the A**hole and kept on walking his little dog so I decided that I would continue on my quest to find nice things to photograph.
I wandered down the block about five minutes after the man walking his dog and the A**hole in the motorized chair had gone down the road. I take a couple pictures of an interesting wall then I hear that Jerks voice. I turn and look and I see the same poor man and his dog determinately walking down the street while this persistent A**hole keeps on screaming and yelling these terribly hateful ignorant things at him.
I saw the poor man's shoulders sloped and his head down a little bit. It seems the A**hole's determination to hurt this random man has worked. The poor guy just kept walking with his head down and shoulder's slumped. That old F***er was breaking him down.
This really pissed me off. I was freak'n outraged.
Who the hell did this SOB think he was?! How freak'n dare he submit someone with his hate and ignorance! I didn't have my phone with me so I headed back to the car and promptly called Oakland police department.

What a freak'n joke.
It took me almost 12 minutes to get through the stupid ass phone tree just to report the incident. By the time the operator got on the phone and asked me the questions, chances are the poor man had escaped to his home suffering the residuals and negativity of the F*tard that was verbally abusing him on the street. What I wanted was for the poor man to see that the said F*tard would be accosted by the OPD and that there was justice that would silence his hate-if just for a little while but that people did care and that type of behaviour exhibited was not acceptable in any situation and any freak'n time. Period.
I was pissed and frustrated by the time I finished the call.
It felt like an exercise in futility. So I decided to look for the A*hole while I was leaving the parking lot at work. I didn't see him and I was very very disappointed. Two thoughts crossed my mind: Running the SOB over or getting out of the car and pushing him into traffic to silence his mouth.

I'm still a bit pissed about it. Rest assured if I see the F*er again.....he will get a tastes of his own medicine from me. He better have his hearing aids on, that's all I have to say about that.

On to this week on the streets of Oakland....
On Thursday exiting the off ramp that I take for work, there is sometimes homeless people standing on the corners facing the on ramps panhandling for money or food.
This particular morning I noticed a homeless man that I had seen before. He always had his shopping cart with him with the same plastic bags, but I had never seen him panhandle before. I was stopped at the red light at the four way intersection. He was facing the people that would cross the intersection to head onto the freeway.

He stood there holding his sign asking for food or money. He had just a little hope in his eyes as he tried to make eye contact with the people heading to the on ramp. Everyone avoided his eyes and kept on going.
My light turned green but I kept on watching him. He folded up his sign and as he did it I watched all the hope leave him. He turned and walked to his cart that he hid behind the bushes and put his head down and started crying. I was at an angle to witness this. To witness a man trying to survive and have his hope crushed. It broke my freak'n heart and I almost started crying with him. To witness the whole thing. I can't explain how much it pains me. If I had the power to help him I would. To give him back his hope and dignity. I didn't even have any money or fruit to give him. All I could do is pray that he got someone to help him, he obviously was looking for it.
The lesson here people is that not all people that are begging are just doing to pull one over on us. For some of those people, it is simply a matter of survival. Of life or death.
Please think about it.

It's been a long time since I have posted anything for a blog. I have thought of many things to post but just haven't had any real time to put them to word. I have just been too busy. Is this a good thing, to be too busy? Probably not in my case at least. All work and no play makes Wendy a real A**hole. I suppose it could always be worse. I have seen evidence of this.

Work...also fondly known as "hell":
Well, what can I say about it except, "It really sucks". I work for a boss that likes to play games with his employees to give himself a sense of power. He likes to make promises and then recants stating that he "never said such a thing". He needs to be babysat and followed around he can "remember" to get stuff done. Basically, he is high-maintenance person with a power trip that prefers that people treat him like pandering sycophants. Yeah, that's my boss.

His newest stunt is refusing telling me up to the last minute of when he is going to be out of the office. He waited until two days before clinic to let me know that he was taking those days off that were completely booked. Needless to say, I was completely overjoyed. Yeah....over-joyed. When I asked him why he waited until the very last minute, he just sheepishly smiled at me and said, "I didn't know". Then he giggled. I came close to throttling him in the hallway during clinic. Must resist the urge to strangle the boss...this is becoming my mantra.

Having to move everyone wouldn't be such a big deal if he wasn't so booked up already. Trying to find places to put everyone is a total pain. So he thought he would "help" by opening up the weekend that happens to be Memorial Day weekend. Yeah. Great. Never mind that anyone had plans. So with that being said, I had to cancel my plans. But I have booked that Saturday extra light. No one else was willing to come in so the doc is forcing his son to work.

As far as anyone stepping up and volunteering....this leads me to my "favorite" coworker. I only have two kind things to say about him: He's good with the patients and he shows up for work on time. Other than that-he never volunteers for ANYTHING. He leaves extra early. He doesn't do his job correctly. I think he's got a learning disability judging by the way he does stuff. On top of that I think he's simply stupid. I think the only reason the doc keeps him around is to make the rest of his employees miserable. And it gives us all something to dislike besides our boss. Sorry, that ploy won't work. I'm capable of disliking more than one person at a time with a passion worthy to note. It's a gift, what can I say?

I am waiting for that job that will appear on the "help wanted" board. I know it will show up eventually. I'm praying!!

On to other things....
For the last week I have been tending to one of the neighborhood cats that has been living in the area for several years. His name is Red. A lovely orange tabby with a white nose and feet. Such a sweet boy. He clearly had been at one time someone's pet. I just don't understand how someone can just leave such a sweet cat. There is a special Hell for people that do cruel things to animals. If I'm lucky, I will be there to distribute that punishment to those "deserving" people. There is no forgiveness for those actions.

He had been missing for about a month and just showed up last week completely filthy and emaciated. On closer examination he also had some type of sinus infection. He was so miserable. It hurt to look at his state but I felt compelled to try to help and make him comfortable. A coworker thinks that he was locked in someplace and nobody knew that he was there until they opened up the area and he was able to get out. It was a truly pitiful thing to see what was once a healthy happy tabby become a sickly skeleton of a cat. For days I tried to get him to eat by offering him soft foods. All he wanted was broth. It was clear to me that his kidneys were either on their way out or just not working at all. Last night I came home and he wasn't waiting for me like he normally did. One of my neighbors came out crying and said that Red wasn't able to walk right. That's when I knew it was his kidneys; I've seen it happen before. Poor Red was dying.

She wanted to have animal control come take him to put him down. I didn't want him to suffer but I also didn't want him to die at a place were he didn't know anyone and would be by himself. I found him under a car. He was still alive but was weak. He got up to try to walk and he was obviously in pain. His hind legs weren't working correctly so I helped him find a place to sit and rest. I could tell he knew he was dying and was trying to find a place to hide to pass in peace. It seemed to me he was heading to the shady creek at the bottom of the street.

We sat there as the sun was setting overlooking the football field of the high school while there was band practice. Red sat and watched with interest with what was going on down at the field. I noticed that he didn't want to miss anything. Every little thing that blew past he would watch. His mind was alive and wanted to live but his body was ready to go. I sat next to him because he was very cold. I tried to pick him up to bring him inside so he would have a warm place to pass away but he wanted nothing to do with it. He complained loudly so I put him back down where he rested a bit longer. It was getting more dark and chillier. Red was getting restless and wanted to try to walk closer to the creek, so I followed him a bit petting and comforting him when he his hind legs failed. When he would stop he would watch everything like he was seeing things for the first time.

As I sat next to him for the last time I considered the fact that perhaps Red wanted to pass on his own way and is it really correct for us to take away those last moments? It seemed that he was trying to see as much as he could before he went (of course I could be anthropomorphizing it but it certainly appeared to be this way). Would I want someone to take me to a place dark, cold and impersonal to die? No. I would prefer to be in a more "natural" setting, something more familiar. I would want to be able to enjoy that last sunset, to watch people, to feel the breeze and the warmth of the waning light. I would want to hear the birds calling to nest for the evening. To become one with nature, to fade away to the next step in life. With this consideration, I realized that perhaps Red's instincts were the same and this is how it would be.

With regret and sorrow, I gave him a few extra scratches and words of love and got up to watch him amble to another parked car, closer to the creek. We both looked at each other for a moment, then I said "good bye". I started walking back up the hill and I looked back to see him watching the field and the activities, taking it all in. That is how I am going to remember my fuzzy little friend Red and I am thankful that I was able to spend time with him before he had to go.

I might go down later to look for his remains so I can bury him by the creek since that was were he was headed. I will miss his company and I painfully regret that I couldn't do more for him. He was a good cat.

Its things like this that make you think about life and how close we are to death. What I am going to take from this is that we need to live the best we can up to the very last minute. We need to live with our eyes open. We need to remember we are a part of the earth...of nature....not a separate entity to it. This is what Red showed me; perhaps this was his parting gift to me. A reminder to live.

And with that....a reminder to me that my current job is not conducive with this and it must be rectified.
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